Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
