I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
