I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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