you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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