just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
