what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
