it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I supernannyed him into submission
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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