Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
