I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize
