drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
