I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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