Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
