When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
