Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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