WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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