i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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