3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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