We got so high we made milksteak
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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