I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
