couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
