ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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