Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
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