he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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