We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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