quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
