where am i from again
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
