Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
