have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
