worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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