It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
