fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
