CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
