This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This baby is an asshole
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize