I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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