stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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