My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
