I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
