first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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