yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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