i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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