so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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