she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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