Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
