Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
