are you still at the devil's house?
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
