Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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