Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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