Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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