Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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