god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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