I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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