don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
