Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize