Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize