It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
