No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
