I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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