I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize