Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
