i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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