Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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