The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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