Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
