every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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