i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
