Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize