I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
