she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just want to make out with him forever
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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