I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
someone owes me an orgasm
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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