true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We just shotgunned beers for America
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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