hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
