She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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