you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
